


cover up darling, it's getting cold

by topgrademilk (orphan_account)



Category: EXO (Band), f(x)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 05:15:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10802502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/topgrademilk
Summary: Soojung talks about him like he puts the stars in the sky. (She even looks at him like that too.) Jongin believes she deserves the moon, the sun and all the stars in the sky. (He wonders if he can give her that.) Too busy battling with reality, they don't realize that their love is as boundless as the galaxy.





	cover up darling, it's getting cold

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST CRINGEST SHIT I'VE EVER WRITTEN, but i still hope you enjoy it (*^▽^*) 
> 
> if you happen to find any grammatical or spelling errors, please do tell me. i've read this like a hundred times and still cannot catch all the errors.

He looks at his fiancée. He thinks she looks beautiful, really beautiful. He doesn't know if it's the white summer dress she's wearing, the bright smile on her lips or if it's because the sunlight that is hitting her features in all the right places, but he can't take her eyes off her.

He doesn't know a lot of things, but he knows she looks beautiful.

She’s wearing a white summer dress because traditional wedding dresses are too expensive. Her hair is in a messy high bun accompanied with a daisy crown. She never looks this girly, but today’s an exception. The way the strays of hair are coming out of the lopsided bun on top of her head, he can tell it's his eldest sister's doing.

The sky is bright, the sun is up, and it would have been a wonderful day if the air isn't so stuffy in their compact apartment. The windows are open, as a futile attempt to air the humidity in the room out. Some of the attendants are wiping the perspiration off of their faces, and others are just ignoring it; the muggy air seems to be affecting everybody, including the couple at the front.

Perhaps they should’ve done it during the winter, where the air is more frigid and dry, but they wouldn’t have been able to wait that long. Therefore, here they are, hand in hand with crescent eyes and brilliant smiles, as they listen to their alleged marriage officiate and childhood friend, Lee Taemin.

Although, when Jongin and Soojung found out about his so-called marriage officiate certificate, they had their doubts because they both know Taemin didn't further pursue his education after graduating from high school. None of them did. But Taemin was willing to do it for free and their budget didn't permit them a marriage officiate.

Taemin’s reading the wedding ceremony script to her soon-to-be husband. “Jongin Kim, will you have this woman, Soojung Jung, to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor her, and keep her, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live?”

Jongin nods and, without hesitation, says, “I do.”                                   

Taemin then turns to Soojung. Before he repeats the vow again, he mouths to her how beautiful she looks. She grins, and gives him a wink as a thank you. He returns to the papers in front of him and clears his throat before reading the vows. “Soojung Jung, will you have this man, Jongin Kim, to be your wedded husband, to live together in marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor him and keep him in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, so long as you both shall live?”

She looks at her fiancé and can’t help but smile wider. He’s sporting his father’s tuxedo with his bangs gelled up. She can tell the suit is a tad small on him because the pants don’t meet his ankles and neither does the sleeves meet his wrists, but he still manages to look handsome.

Perhaps it’s the way his hair is gelled today that makes him look even more beautiful today. She can’t exactly pinpoint what it is, but she’s certain he's the one.

She squeezes his hand out of excitement and says, “I do.”

Upon saying it, she hears sequels, choked sobs, and cheers from the audience. From the corner of her eye, she can see Taemin’s grinning from ear to ear. “You may now kiss,” he says.

At the sound of the approval, there’s a kiss that is shared between the two and a round of applause from the family members observing. The kiss is warm, and Soojung can feel his lips moving, morphing into a smile. Her eyes are closed, but she can hear sounds of clicks from cameras and phones, indicating photos are being taken.

Jongin’s father is taking pictures with a camera and wearing a pleased smile on his face, while his mother is crying tears of joy. His sisters are beaming with gKim. There’s also Taemin who’s sporting a proud smile on his face, as if he’s the reason why Jongin and Soojung are getting married today. Jongin’s mother, father, sisters, and Taemin. These are all the people at their wedding.

The wedding isn’t very big nor is it fancy, but it’s simple, cozy and warm. That’s all that really matters.

 

***

 

Instead of sparkling wedding gifts on the table, plates of food are in their place. Each plate is brought by a different attendee. Jongin and Soojung decided on food instead of gifts because Jongin’s parents aren't well off, and neither are his sisters. Taemin wouldn't have even bothered bringing a gift either. He'll say their friendship is the greatest gift ever to them. He’s also just as well-off as Jongin and Soojung. The newlywed opted for a cheaper alternative – a great, big potluck.

The lighting is dim, and there’s an off white colored table cloth over the small square dining table. It’s filled with plates of food. Only one dish is made by the couple, while the others were brought by the guests.

Everybody attending the wedding wouldn’t exactly call it a traditional wedding reception, because there aren’t any comfortable chairs with fancy table cloths, and there’s no huge three layered wedding cake in sight either.

Although, they do have a cake; it's one layered and poorly designed. Everybody can tell the white frosting is unfairly spread out with a butter knife. There's a word on it written in icing: congratulations. Nobody can really make out the words except for Jongin and Taemin, who knows the handwriting too well.

From the messy characters to the uneven spreading of the icing, anybody can tell it's obviously not store bought. Still, Jongin has a proud smile on his face because, he can’t help but think, even with a different writing utensil, her writing is still illegible.

But he knows that she'd tried her best and that's all that really matters.

The smile doesn't go unnoticed. Soojung gently nudges him with her elbow, taking Jongin’s attention away from the cake. "Doesn't the cake I made look nice?" she asks. She leans on his shoulder and feels a kiss on the top of her head before a nod.

Jongin notices Taemin is devouring every food he makes eye contact with. He glances at his eldest sister, who's giving a serving of chicken lettuce wrap to herself, and his second eldest sister who’s giving their mother a few pieces of their chocolate wedding cake even though she knows their mother is on a diet. His father watches his wife in amusement as she battles with self- resistance towards the piece of cake in front of her.

He lets out a happy sigh and says, "this is really nice.” Soojung snakes her hand into his and he can feel her nodding her head, agreeing with him.

“This was a good idea, right?” she asks, sounding boastful. He lets her brisk in her pompous attitude because she was the one who proposed the idea of a potluck.

"Yeah, it really is," there’s a pause because Jongin’s deciding rather or not to use it. “Mrs. Kim,” he adds. His ears grows red from embarrassment. Jongin is still having a hard time processing the fact that they’re married because Soojung Jung becoming Soojung Kim feels so surreal.

Despite being in a relationship for six years, she becomes flustered with Jongin’s affectionate comment. This time, she doesn’t punch him in the arm, like she always does when he says something embarrassingly lovey dovey. Instead, today the smile on her lips grows a little bit wider at the new surname, and the shade of pink on her cheeks grows a little bit rosier.

 

***

 

After Soojung and her mother-in-law finish clearing the table, Jongin’s parents are the first to leave. They congratulate the married couple before leaving.

The next to leave are his older sisters.

“I can’t believe this loser got married to such a beauty.”

Jongin frowns at the comment the eldest makes while Soojung laughs.

She places her arms around his shoulders. Although, Jongin has to slightly bend his knees to accommodate her arm around him.

She says, “I know right? I can't believe I married such a beauty either." Her words are rushed, but they hold confidence. He knows she's embarrassed when she digs her face into his arm to hide her flustered cheeks. Her arm around his shoulders are gone, due to the discomfort, but he never felt any warmer.

He places his arms around her waist. She's still wearing her dress but the bun is gone now. The ends of her long hair are slightly tickling the top of his right arm that he has around her waist.

Before they leave, they both ruffle Jongin’s hair despite the excessive hair gel in it and hug Soojung.

"Seriously, congratulations," The older one says.

The second eldest says, "I hope you guys have a long and happy marriage." The couples say their thanks and close the door when they head downstairs.

Jongin and Soojung are really grateful that most of their family members were to take time from their busy schedule and make it today even though they live far from them.

 

***

 

Taemin is the last guest from the wedding who hasn't left. He insists on staying over, acting completely oblivious to what they are going to do after this.

Usually, both Jongin and Soojung wouldn't be bothered by his desire to stay todady but today she is. Jongin is always glad to invite Taemin to stay the night and tonight is no different. Albeit, she wasn’t planning to, after a couple of pleas and persuasions, she lets him.

It turns out into a sleepover with Soojung choosing their sleeping arrangements. Taemin and Jongin are assigned to sleep on the couch, while she gets the bed all to herself because she thinks she deserves that much for letting Taemin stay the night.

They decide to head out onto the rooftop because the temperature in their humid apartment is unbearable at the moment.

 

***

 

"WOOHOO!" Jongin shouts as he ascends up the stairs, onto the apartment's rooftop. He's still in his father's tuxedo but without the jacket. Soojung follows behind him, her hair down and the white summer dress still on her, hand in hand. She's has a tight grip on his hand because she's afraid she'll trip. Taemin is in front of them, running towards the last door to the rooftop.

None of them are tired yet. Despite that it’s a quarter to one in the morning. Everybody in the neighborhood should be sleeping, and yet they continue to stomp loudly on the cement stairs, laughing to their heart’s content and opening doors a bit too dramatically and loudly, causing a huge bang sound when it hits the walls. None of them care though because they're reckless young adults, who are enjoying their time without a care in the world.

Soojung predicts Taemin’s going to fall at the speed he's running at. Eventually, he does. Sort of. He stumbles more than falls.

Jongin laughs as he watches him staggers and Soojung shrieks, wondering if he’s hurt.

Taemin lets himself fall once he reaches up rooftop floor. He's on the cement, his face facing the night sky. Soojung bends down to him to check if he's okay, with Jongin on the other side of him. They have their knees and their hands on the ground, hovering over him and asking if he’s okay.

He doesn't open his eyes, which make both of them worry. They both feel his hands on their wrists, and then he abruptly pulls them down. Jongin and Soojung bump their heads together. There are murmurs of 'ow' and someone laughing. The one who's laughing is Taemin.

Both Jongin and Soojung join Taemin on the cold cement rooftop. He tells them to look up at the night sky, which reluctantly they do.

They stare at the eternal night sky, enjoying the cold breeze caressing them. There're a few stars painted on the dark sky and the moon illuminating the city. Taemin, Jongin, and Soojung lay there admiring the incandescent moon and the sparkling stars.

Jongin turns to Soojung and looks at her. He always wants to know what she’s doing, wants to see what expression she has, so he can store it in his memory and remember them.

He sees her looking at the stars, with such genuine interest and admiration that he can't help but feel a tinge of jealously towards the stars. He wonders if Soojung looks at him with such an expression too.

Jealousy taking over him, he closes the space between their hands as an attempt to get her attention.

At the new contact, Soojung tears her attention at the night sky and glances at her hand. She follows the hand intertwined leading to a smiling Jongin. She gives him a smile and shuffles a little closer to him. They spend a majority of their nighttime sky-watching until Soojung falls asleep.

Jongin carries her on his back to their apartment while Taemin opens the doors and makes sure Jongin doesn’t drop her. When they reach home, her eyes are fluttering opens and she admits a small whine saying that she wants to stay awake. They let her because none of them want today to end.

 

***

 

They try their best to stay awake, wanting to make this moment last forever. They tune into a radio channel that only plays rock music, to get them to stay awake. It's futile, as their eyelids get heavier and heavier. Time ticks by and they find themselves too lazy to get up to sleep on actual furniture and opt to fall asleep on the floor.

Soojung has her back supported by the wall with Jongin and Taemin using her leg as a pillow. She wants to complain to them about how her legs are growing numb from the weight of them, but she’s too tired to speak. All of them are too tired to speak. They sit there, letting the music from the radio lull them to sleep.

It's always been the three of them together during infancy, childhood, adolescence, and until now. They've been called by many name: the three little pigs, the three stooges, the three amigos, the three musketeers, etc. They all couldn't have asked for anybody better because they already have the best. Soojung hopes they'll continue to have a close relationship as long as, as childish as it sounds, forever.

 

***

 

It’s been a couple of days since their wedding. Taemin decides to leave the two alone and visit his older brother for a week. Soojung and Jongin decide to enjoy some time together alone.

The windows are open, inviting the cool summer night air in their apartment. The honking of cars, the sirens from fire trucks, and the shouts of profanities being shouted are loud even in their apartment building. There's a blaring sound coming from the old stand fan their using. Its making crackling every time it rotates, sounding like someone cracking their knuckles.

After a long day of work, they both plop down on the couch. Soojung has her back pressed against Jongin’s chest. He has his back on their bed's headboard. She's enjoying the soothing raises of his chest from his breathing. She watches as he pops open the cork of the bottle of champagne and he pours a glass of it into a mug because the champagne bottle itself was expensive; they don’t have enough money for champagne glasses.

He pours it into both their mugs and places the bottle down. They both hold their porcelain mug by the handle and clunk it together. "Cheers," they say in sync before taking a sip of the champagne. They let the bubbling substance slide down their throats.

Jongin lets out a happy sigh, enjoying the taste and Soojung in his arms. While she makes a puckered face. She puts her glass down on a nearby table as she tries her best to adjust to the fuzziness of the sparkling wine. She is never a fan of anything fizzy.

“I don’t understand what’s so special about champagne,” she grumbles, “it’s expensive, tastes bad and it’s expensive.”

He laughs at the repetition of her words. “It’s traditionally what everybody use to celebrate,” Jongin responds. He takes another sip before letting out a refreshed sigh. This is the life he thinks as he leans further back on the couch. As he’s moving, they hear creaking noises from the springs of their couch.

She turns to look at him. “Who says we have to be traditional though?” she says with a devious glint in her eyes. She stands up and grabs a carton of orange juice from the refrigerator.

“Our customs are always far from social norms,” he agrees.

“Right!” She sits back down in front of him while the she cradles the orange juice in her arms. “Screw social customs! We shall not conform!” She pours the rest of her champagne into Jongin’s glass before pouring orange juice in her cup.

As they continue to enjoy their drinks, he's listening as she shares her opinion of the wedding a few days ago.

About halfway through, he stops listening because his thoughts are drifting elsewhere. His eyes catches the ring on his finger; it's just a silver band with a few dents here and there on the ring. There are no diamonds, engravings or gold in it. There's nothing. It’s a haunting reminder of how well off they aren’t.

Soojung deserves all the beautiful things in the world: the moon, and the stars. He wonder if he can really give her that.

A tsunami of regrets floods his mind. Maybe if he had worked harder, life between the three of them would be different.

"I don’t know why I was so surprised when Taemin said he wanted to stay at our house after the wedding. I should’ve known —” She stops midway through her sentence. She finds him twirling with the rims of his cup, and, when she looks up, his eyes look distant. She knows he's not paying attention. "Gas, are you okay?"

He’s snaps away from his reverie and smiles at her. “Why would you think that I wasn’t?”

She frowns because his smile is forced. She pinches his cheeks. “I know something distracting you,” she tugs harder on his cheeks, “I’m not going to stop unless you tell me.”

He winces at the pain and places his mug on their table before he spills anything. “Okay, okay. I will. But first." He holds her arm that is pulling his cheek, indicating her to let go.

She obliges. His hand is in hers, and she waits for him to talk. Her back is on his chest again. She can't help but admire how beautiful they mold together. His chipped nails and large rough hands are such a big contrast to her studded nails, slim fingers, and small palm. She studies their interlocked fingers, tracing the veins on his hands. She likes his long fingers and wide palms. They give her warmth.

He looks around their small apartment. There’s barely anything in it except for the basic furniture. They only buy what they need and most of it are second-hand.

It takes a few minutes and a couple of deep breaths for Jongin to get the courage to speak what's been on his mind. He licks his lips before he speaks. “Are you really fine with this?”

She's still playing with his hands. "What do you mean?”

“I mean how we’re living now. Are you going to be okay with it?” She scans their room. To her, there may not be a lot to look at, but it's warm and cozy. She leans back against her husband, and once again enjoying the sounds of his breathing. She feels the most at home when they're like this.

This isn’t the first time Jongin has brought up the topic, yet she still reacts the same way as she always does.

“Oh my god, are you having second thoughts of marrying me?” Her voice is shaky. Jongin knows. He knows she’s on the verge of tears.

Her eyes are glistening in a way in which he can tell she’s trying to hold the tears back. There’s frantic head shaking and denies are being sprouted from Jongin. “I ... It’s just sometimes I think you deserve better.”

He can see tears streaming down her face because it always pains her to hear that from him. She's always lived like this; they've lived with limited income together, all three of them. “Jesus, why are you crying?” He's wiping the fallen tears with his thumb.

She takes his hand away from her face so she can wipe her own tears. “No, I’m not but don’t say that. I’m forbidding you to say that." She says this every time. They both wonder when he'll be able to stop. You are much more than you make yourself is along the lines of what she wants to add but she's never really good with her words.

He isn't really convinced and she can sense that from the silence he's giving her. She adds, "You mean a lot to me." She quickly mumbles the last four words, loud enough for him to hear because she doesn't want to repeat it.

There’s a pause because he can’t help but grin at her words. It's barely audible, but thanks to his keen ears, he was able to hear it. He’s hugging her really tightly with his head buried in the curve of her neck. He can smell the apple-scented shampoo in her hair. "I think I'm falling in love with you all over again," he admits.

There’s the sound of her nose being blown and then laughing. A hearty laugh. "Oh god, that's so cheesy." He can't completely see it but from her scarlet turned ears, he knows she's embarrassed; she's not red from the summer heat.

He presses light kisses on the back of her hot ears down to her neck, in hopes it'll cool her down, and because he can't get enough of her pliant skin.

Moments later, they turn on the radio and are continue to talk idly until Jongin’s favorite song is playing and he wants to dance to ease the lingering tension between them. She’s reluctant at first but agrees to dance.

Somewhere along the way, the music gets a little too passionate and she’s dancing a little too close to his body. They continue to dance with bodies pressed together all the way to their bed; their clothes are taken off along the process. They land on the bed, bodies are tangled and passionate kisses are shared all throughout the night.

They can't really afford to go anywhere fancy for their honeymoon but they make do with the best they can with what they have. That's more than enough for them.

 

***

 

Soojung works as a secretary for an indolent dance studio. Jongin also works at an indolent dance studio as a jazz and ballet dance instructor with Taemin as a hip hop and modern dance instructor, who happens to also be the founder of Blanc & Éclair Studios. The pay isn’t great but it’s sufficient enough to keep all three of them alive. Taemin, Jongin, and Soojung. This is all the company consists of.

They all think it’s because Taemin and Jongin aren’t properly trained, like all the other dance instructors in the other dance studios, is the reason why their studio is often empty.

It’s Taemin who started the business but Jongin and Soojung later joined him when he told them of his plans. It was created without any real intention of it becoming a successful business; it was just out of the whim.

Jongin thinks their studio sounds like an overpriced fashion brand, and Taemin thinks it sounds like something a lavish hotel name. They agree it doesn’t suit the run-down dance studio but Soojung thinks it’s perfect. After all, the name’s courtesy of Sooyeon.

 

***

 

Soojung hears the door open and two very familiar footsteps coming into the apartment. One of them is loud dragging sounds while the other is quick and quiet.

The way the person's dragging his feet across the creaky wooden floor, she knows who it is. She hates when he does this. She told him many times before, but he never ceases to fix his habit. While Taemin’s quick but furtiveness movements has helped him go in and out of the house without Jongin’s and Soojung’s notice.

They get home when she just finished making dinner. Taemin’s is in the bathroom, washing up for dinner. With the little time they have, Jongin walks over to his wife, wrapping his arms around her and giving her a kiss on the cheek. He watches her wash the pots and pans. They're slightly swaying to the music on the radio. They continue this for a few minutes before he proceeds to finish putting the plates on the table because he hears the bathroom doors unlock.

“What took you so long to get home?”

Jongin and Taemin usually come home early enough to help Soojung with dinner preparations. Soojung always leaves the dance studio earlier than Jongin and Taemin because they don't have a lot of students at the studio. Soojung finds it's boring sitting behind a desk. She also doesn't want to disrupt Taemin and Jongin with the dance sessions they're giving to their small amount of members.

“Taemin forgot where he left the key in the studio. So, we searched everywhere.”

“Where was it?”

Taemin comes into their small dining and takes a seat, watching as Jongin and Soojung place the silverware on the table. Taemin laughs out of embarrassment before he says it. “It was in my pocket all along.”

“If only you checked there in the first place, we wouldn’t have spent one-hour searching.”

“You guys know, I never check my front pockets,” Taemin says in defense.

Jongin motions them to sit down and eat. They sit together for dinner, eating while leisurely converse.

“Do you want to visit Sooyeon sometime this week?” She asks as she's scraping the food from one end of the plate to the other side.

Jongin nods. “We haven’t visited her this week, have we?”

Taemin doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t want to go and in hopes, they don’t notice his presence.

Soojung shakes her head as an indication of a no.

He doesn't reply right away because he's chewing. He looks at both Soojung and Taemin. Taemin has an uneasy look on his face. "Okay, do you want to go tomorrow evening?”

“I don’t think --”

“Let’s close the studio early and bring Taemin along. Sooyeon’s been complaining that he hasn’t been visiting her enough.” She emphasizes on Taemin’s name.

“Should we bring our wedding photos?” Jongin suggests. “Have you received all the photos yet?”

Soojung nodding but just to make sure, she stands up and checks. She walks over to check if there's a white photo album in their pile of books. “Yeah,” she confirms. There isn't a lot of photos from their wedding. There are perhaps only about ten to fifteen photos; a couple was taken by their family members, but most were taken by Taemin.

They don't have anything else to show Sooyeon regarding their wedding other than these photos. “Great, let’s show our wedding photos to her then too.”

Taemin groans because Sooyeon’s going to scold him about his infrequent visits.

 

***

 

As planned, they close the studio early and head over to Sooyeon's place together, all three of them. Jongin is carrying Soojung’s bag which holds their wedding album and Tupperware that contain the dinner for them to eat together. The bus ride to Dongeui Medical Center takes about forty minutes; it would've been less if they didn't live in the city.

When they arrive, Taemin has to go to the washroom. So, Jongin and Soojung rest their legs on a loveseat near the washrooms waiting for their childhood friend. Jongin doesn't see it but, by the way, she's fidgeting uncontrollably and her lips are forming into a tight line, he can tell she's discomforted; she's always like this when they visit Sooyeon. Every time, he'll give Soojung shoulder a gentle squeeze to remind herself that he's here for her; he'll always be there for her. Today is no exception.

After what feels like an eternity, Taemin comes out of the bathroom. They head to room forty-nine together and knock on the door before entering. When they hear a ‘come in’ coming from the other side of the door, they let themselves.

The three are welcomed by a bright smile on Sooyeon’s face. That almost distracts the tubes and bandages are on arms. She looks sickly pale but they don’t point it out because what’s the point of pointing it out what nobody wants to be reminded of. “Hey,” she says. They all try to ignore how feeble and forced her voice sounds by putting on happy smiles.

Sooyeon is diagnosed with chronic leukemia. Due to life threatening situations, Soojung advised her to be admitted to a hospital despite the expenses. It's been about two years since she's been admitted to the hospital. The hospital bills are expensive and with their parents gone, the two didn't have the money to pay for it all so after Soojung finished high school, she decided to start working. Right now, she was doing as much as she can with a high school diploma to assist in her sister's hospital expenses.

They all know she's dying, especially Sooyeon herself. They also know there's really no way to save her. After a couple of weeks of denial, they accepted it. They decided to enjoy the present, and let the time come when it presents itself.

With light brown hair, big brown eyes and a charming smile, Taemin and Jongin have a hard time believing Sooyeon is her sister because they look and act nothing alike. Soojung was like a storm while Sooyeon was the after-effect; she was the sunlight and the rainbows after the storm. She acts like a mother figure to the three of them, earning her the title of mama-yeon. Despite the sister's contradicting personalities, the two boys held both of them close to their hearts. Soojung takes a seat beside her sister while Jongin unpacks the contents of the bag on the counter.

Taemin gives Sooyeon a small smile and waves at Sooyeon before helping Jongin.

Sooyeon waves back with just as much brilliance in her smile as Taemin's. "Hey Yeon, I've been really busy lately-"

Jongin cuts him off. "With girls."

"And going to too many bars," Soojung adds.

Taemin glares at Jongin and Soojung, for finishing the sentences for him. "I've actually I've been too caught up with personal business which is why I haven't been able to visit in the past."

"Since when were girls and partying more important than visiting me?" Sooyeon asks with mock hurt. She knows what his 'personal business' is. Everybody does because Taemin's always been a free-spirit who claims he can't be tamed by anybody and nobody. All playful manners aside, she says with genuine concern, "You better not party too hard."

Taemin assures her he won’t but will anyways; he is a man who says too many pretty words and doesn't show it as much as he says it. He is the epitome of Heartbreakers after all.

Soojung grabs the photo album from the table and opens it. Taemin grabs a seat from the other side of the bed, across from Soojung as he also looks at the photo album with them.

On the first page is a photo of the three of them. They're all sitting on the apartment building's stairwell. Taemin is putting a flower crown on Soojung’s head while Jongin is sitting across from her.Her hands are on his hands, entangled. Anybody can see the adoration in Jongin's eyes as he stares at Soojung. When Sooyeon sees this, she can't help but smile. As they go further into the album, they're mostly close up photos of Jongin because Taemin is Jongin's number one fan.

"When did Jongin get so handsome?" Sooyeon coos as he flips photo after photo of Taemin’s photography of Jongin.

“He always was,” Soojung answers proudly. Jongin's shyly blushing as he scoops up rice from the Tupperware into the bowl. Sooyeon smiles at the cute couple while Taemin is indifferent because he has witnessed the two's affection far too many times to have a reaction anymore.

When Jongin finishes filling the bowl with rice and side dishes, he walks over to the bed and grabs a seat beside Soojung. He offers her a spoonful of the rice with bok choy and navigates it to her mouth. "Say 'ah'."

"Oh no, it's fine. I can feed myself."

"It's fine. Let me feed you."

While they eat, Sooyeon wants to know everything about the wedding. Taemin is willing to retell everything with too much extravagantness here and there to make it more exciting. Although, there is Jongin and Soojung to stop him from his lies, telling Sooyeon the truth.

It’s really late at night by the time they leave her ward. Soojung is holding Jongin's arm because now it's Taemin's turn to carry Soojung's bag. When they head down to the main lobby, they’re stopped by a nurse receptionist who gives them an envelope. They all know what it contains but none of them say it out loud. "The next time you visit we would like it to be paid, thank you," the nurse tells them.

Soojung reassures the nurse that it will. They take their leave.

They choose to silently agree to forged ignorance, pretending that what just happen didn’t happen, and continue their way home.

 

***

 

Lately, it’s been hard for Soojung to carry heavy things around at work and her back gets terribly stiff after sitting on a chair for too long. Usually, when she bends down, her back aches.

There are also frequent headaches that came with her back pain. She quickly takes Advil tablets and convinces herself that she is like this because she doesn’t exercise and jokingly thinks that her body is aging faster than her.

But her headaches gets worst, the back pains are back and more Advil is taken in hopes of feeling better.

She mentally reminds herself to book an appointment with their neighborhood doctor some time to check what’s wrong.

 

***

 

Jongin watches as the leaves swaying from the chilly breeze as they fall to the ground. Each step he takes, the crunching sound of the leaves reach his ears and he can't seem to get enough of. Every time he spots a couple of fallen leaves, he can't help but be a little bias and head towards it, waiting for the crunching sound when he steps on them. The air is dry and cold, the leaves are changing and the smell of pumpkin pie is everywhere because it's autumn now. Just like how the leaves are falling, so is Jongin. He’s falling into adulthood a tad more quickly than he would've liked.

The street lights are on illuminating the dark night despite it is only being a little bit past eight. The studio has gotten busier over the summer. It's been very busy lately and because of that, he can't help Soojung with dinner anymore but, at least, they're making more money now.

As he steps into their shared apartment, he takes off his shoes and hangs his coat. When he enters their open apartment, he sees their untouched dinner on the table and finds a sleeping Soojung on the couch.

“Jong, is that you?”

Her voice is raspy. He can tell she’s trying to fight the drowsiness. He mentally curses himself for waking her up when she was probably having a good sleep.

Instead of coming home at dawn, when the sun is just about to say goodbye, he comes home when the moon and the stars are out.

When Soojung feels the couch dip from one side, she knows he’s on the couch too with her. She crawls towards him and rests her head on his lap. His hands find purchase on her hair. He's threading his fingers through her hair, admiring how soft it feels.

“I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

She shakes her head. “No, I was waiting for you to come home.” She doesn’t realize that it is only them in the apartment until she wonders why it’s so quiet. It’s usual for Jongin to have come home alone today. “Is Taemin still visiting his brother?”

He nods. “A week hasn’t passed yet. He’s going to return tomorrow, Jung.”

She pouts. “This week felt so long.”

“Was it because I wasn’t home?” he teases.

He can feel her snuggle closer onto Jongin’s thighs and her ears are red. “No, that’s not it …” Despite her words, her actions say otherwise.

There’s silence between the two, and Jongin thinks is peaceful while Soojung thinks its nerve wracking. He hears Soojung let out a sigh. "I can't believe Blanc & Éclair is receiving so much attention just because one famous journalist happened to leave a good review on it."

"It wasn't just any journalist. It was the famous Park Chanyeol."

"Whatever," Soojung mumbles, "I'm still mad at him because of him you're not at home."

Jongin smiles and continues to play with Soojung's hair. They let the silence engulf them again because Soojung doesn't know how to approach the news to Jongin and he is too tired from work to start a conversation. He lays his head back on the couch, enjoying his fingers in Soojung's hair.

"Promise you won’t leave me?" It’s barely audible. If the room wasn’t so quiet, he probably would not have heard it.

His eyebrows knit together as he thinks it’s rather odd that Soojung would ask that question. "What's on your left finger, Soojung?"

She looks at it because she doesn't know what Jongin wants her to say. "Our wedding ring ...?"

"What does that mean?"

"That's we're married."

"You’re right. I did vow I would never leave you.” He untangles his hand from her hair and pinches the tip of her nose. She giggles at the action. “So, now tell me what's on your mind, Jung."

Soojung takes a deep breath before she speaks. "I have something to tell you."

He replies with a hum, indicating her to continue on. He goes back to playing with her hair. “I found out something amazing today.”

Jongin doesn't know why she's taking so long to finish what she wants to say but he waits patiently nonetheless. "Oh, yeah?"

“Yeah.” She takes a deep breath before she speaks further. "I'm pregnant." He knows the corners of her mouth are tugged upwards without even looking at her because Soojung always wanted children.

Jongin's eyes snap open and he stops playing with her hair. His mouth goes agape. The stroking of the hair stops. He's rendered speechless.

As the minutes pass by, Soojung gets a little more fidgety. There’s a nervous feeling babbling her stomach because Jongin isn’t replying back. She’s beginning to have second thoughts. Jongin probably doesn’t want a baby. They aren't really ready for a baby anyways.

The longer the silence is, the more Soojung's smile fades and her face is etched with anxiety. She gets up from her position and looks at him. “Jongin?” There are tears threatening to fall. She's worried about Jongin's reaction of the incoming baby which doesn't look like a good one from the silence he's giving her.

"D-did I hear that right?"

Soojung hesitantly nods.

It happens so fast, Soojung can't register it until she realizes he's is lifting Soojung up and she shrieks as he pulls her into a tight hug. "We're having a baby!" He inhales his wife's scent. She smells like lemon scented detergent with a mixture of shampoo now. The smile on Soojung’s lips is back and she nods.

"We are!"

There are happy tears sliding down her cheeks. They have a tight embrace with each other; enjoying each other's company.

Until Soojung complains how tight Jongin is holding her. He's apologizing but with a smile. She knows his apology isn't sincere but that doesn't matter. He brings her to their bed and tells her she should have a good night rest. They walk past the dining room as the food is long forgotten. She complies and tells him to join her too, which he does.

They lay there, facing each other. She's sleeping on her side with Jongin's arm around the small of her back. He's asking a billion of questions about the baby while Soojung's answers the best she can with a smile spread upon both her lips. They let their eyes gradually get heavier, his questions are gradually taking longer to get answered and he's asking fewer questions as minutes pass by and they drift into sleep.

 

****

 

Today, Jongin and Soojung are at the Public Library to look for books on pregnancy.

It's Sunday which means the studio is closed. Jongin is currently watching wife abusing the pregnancy section of the library with Jongin trailing behind her. She's taking out every book she finds interesting (which is practically every book), and quickly glances at the back and front cover of them and then tossing it to Jongin. He already has about thirty books stacked in his hands.

With the overbearing weight on his forearms and how he's practically having trouble watching his wife with the books in-between them, he thinks he needs to put this to an end. "Honey, don't you know the usual saying? Don't judge a book by its cover," he advises her as she takes another book. She skims the description and cover, then hands another book to the check-out pile holder which is known as Kim Jongin.

She's not really listening to him. Her concentration is solely on the colorful books in front of her. Her attention is on Jongin when he pokes her on her sides and she immediately reacts with a yelp and shifts a little away from her husband, glaring from afar. She's about to reply to him until a certain book spots her eyes. Her eyes turn into crescents as she lets out a giggle. "Oh my god, look at this. It would be perfect for you." She takes out a bright yellow book with a very popular and familiar figure on it.

"Dad's Guide to Pregnancy for Dummies," Jongin reads.

Soojung bursts out laughing because Jongin has that face in which the joke is processing through Jongin's brain. He always takes Jongin a little longer to react to jokes or anything; Jongin is always slow on the uptake.

When he finally does, he has a playfully menacing smiling as he places the books on a nearby table. He teasingly puts his wife into a headlock. She drops the dummies book on the floor. She's still laughing as he's ruffling her hair, ignoring the fact that they're in a library and everybody's eyes are on them.

They hear a loud hush in front of them and the sound of someone clearing their throat. They both look up to find the librarian at the front of the aisle with her index finger between her lips indicating for them to be quiet.

Embarrassed, Jongin lets go of her. They both stand up straight and apologize for their rowdiness.

When the librarian leaves, Jongin picks up the book Soojung hastily dropped. She's looking at her reflection on one of the library’s window, fixing her hair. "Oh my, look at what you did to my hair."

He walks over to his wife and examines her hair. He doesn't notice anything different. She glares at him and points to a little stray strand sticking out from her low ponytail that Jongin didn't notice at first glance. "What about it?"

"It's sticking out! Do you know how long it took me to do this hairstyle?" She pouts and Jongin thinks it's cute.

(Then again, he thinks every face Jung Soojung makes is cute.)

"I'm going to the washroom," she declares. "Check out the books while I'm in there."

"Why are you going to the bathroom?"

"I need to clean up this mess." She points to her hair.

Jongin would argue that her hair looks the same as it did when they got out but there wasn't any point. Soojung always wins in arguments even if she was wrong.

Jongin does what his wife tells him to. After he picks up that dummies book that fell from the ground and secretly adds it to the pregnancy book pile. He brings the book to the counter for checkout and is given an eyebrows raised look from the librarian that had hushed them a few moments ago.

“Wow, ?" The librarian speaks as with a dialect that makes it hard to listen to on Jongin's ear. Judging from her name, Song Qian, Jongin assumes she's a Chinese descendant.

Jongin nods, "We're pretty excited for the new additions to the family." He takes out his rugged wallet to get his library cards and hands it to her. He holds the ‘s’ after addition a little bit longer.

"Was your wife that girl over there you were being rowdy with?"

He nods, slightly embarrassed that the scene was brought up. Qian takes the card and scans it before scanning the books.

"How many months has she been pregnant?"

"She's about almost four months in."

"Wow, her stomach is pretty big for only being four months."

"Well, she is carrying twins."

The beeping sounds coming from the scanner as she checks out the books fills the air between them. As she's checking them out, he's putting them into a tote bag.

A familiar blue button up catches his peripheral vision; he can see Soojung coming from the bathroom. She’s sort of waddling, holding her stomach as she steadily walks to her husband and Qian. He picks up the pace as Soojung is at the check-out station. They say their thanks to the librarian and heads onto their way home. The books are heavy as they hang on Jongin’s shoulders. She's holding his arm with his other arm.

“Do you think we’ll finish all these books in three weeks?”

She shrugs. “If we don’t, we can always renew them.”

They're heading to the bus station but the smell of coffee and baked goods stop Soojung in her tracks. “Can we?”

He remembers he has a couple of bills in his wallet. He nods. “Sure, let’s bring some home for Taemin too.”

 

***

 

It’s dark again and Jongin can’t sleep. Even with the windows closed, he can still hear the sound of engines revving, people verbally shouting profanities at each other and the honks coming from impatient drivers.

Jongin thinks the city that never sleeps also really doesn’t let its citizens sleep.

He gently gets off the bed, trying his best to not stir Soojung awake. He lazily walks around their tiny compact apartment to the kitchen. He notices Taemin sleeping on their fold-out sofa bed. As he continues to tiptoe, he wonders when Taemin got home.

When he reaches their kitchen’s dining table, he decides to take out the books from the library. He spots a familiar book with a yellow cover. “Dad's Guide to Pregnancy for Dummies,” Jongin reads the title.

He opens the book to a random page. “First Trimester,” he begins.

He doesn't notice it's almost four in the morning until he needs to stretch his neck.

He heads back to sleep. While reading the book, there is a little thought in his mind that finds it strange he has never seen any of the symptoms in the said book happen to Soojung. He pushes the thought aside believing that it's because Soojung was different from the others.

 

***

 

There are rare days when the domineering Soojung isn’t all that domineering. Today is one of those rare days.

Jongin can see the dark clouds forming above her as she rips the envelope open. They both know what it contains but what’s worrying them is the number of the digits on the paper. She looks at it and bits her lip out of worry. "What are we going to do?"

He doesn’t break away his attention on the dishes he’s washing. "Pay it."

From the corner of his eyes, he can see Soojung nibbling on her bottom lip. "We can't. We don't have the money," she mumbles.

This time, Jongin stops washing and looks up at her. "And why don't we?"

She continues to speak in an incoherent tone. "We spent most of it on this month's expenses."

He still manages to understand her. "On what?"

"The maternal checkups, that recent hospital bill ..."

“The babies ..." Jongin knew that baby expenses were going to be costly but he didn't know it would be this much. The babies aren’t even born yet and yet they’re already having money problems.

He can tell Soojung's trying her best to not cry but she is. All the pent up feeling she has been holding in gushes out; she allows them to be expressed in tears. When Jongin asks why is she crying, she admits what's been keeping her up every night. "I'm scared."

"Of what?" His voice is slow and soothing and it somewhat calms Soojung down a little.

"The babies. I mean it's not a baby, its babies. It's going to be twice as expensive as it is for a normal baby." Her voice gets shakier as she continues to spew words. "What can we offer them?"

Jongin instinctively dries his hands and kneels before his wife. "It's going to be okay," He tells her this calmly as an attempt for her to soothe her crying.

It's no use because Soojung's still crying. "It's not going to be okay. We're not going to give them a life they deserve because I'm going to be a failure of a parent."

He's taken aback by the lack of confidence in the usual Soojung. The Soojung he grew up with was always confident, and occasionally overconfident. "No, no, you're not. We — both of us — are going to be amazing parents. We're going to work this out together, okay? You're not going to go through this alone." He tucks the flyaway strands of her hair behind her ear. "We'll figure something out for them."

“How? By taking out another loan?!" Soojung shoots back. She spots crying but her eyes are red and there's an upset look on her tear stricken face. Jongin has seen this side of Soojung before, but he is still taken aback because Soojung usually never lets this side of her show.

When she sees how he jumped a little from her response. She then realizes what she has done. She lets out a choked sob. Jongin is always calm and understanding. Soojung doesn’t know why he’s still with her. How has he been able to tolerate her with all her negative attributes? Every breath she takes, she's also shaking and mumbling apologies.

Jongin has her in an embrace and lets her tears soak his sweatshirt. He’s hiding his face from Soojung because he's crying too. Everything has been becoming so difficult lately. Jongin realizes just working at Blanc & Éclair isn't going to be enough.

Soojung's right, he knows they're going to have to have to take yet another loan.

Money has been a sensitive topic between the two lately.

 

***

 

Soojung is sleeping peacefully beside him, face facing him. She's emitting soft snoozing sounds that are tickling the shell of his ears.

Their long limbs are entangled with each other. He turns around and faces Soojung. He inhales the berries scent she holds.

He has always been a light sleeper, waking up to the tiniest sounds. Sometimes he can't sleep due to the sounds of the night howls outside their apartment. Soojung is never bothered by the sound, though. She can sleep through almost everything and Jongin envies her for that.

Its nights like these that forces him to think of reality. He knows children are expensive and is always reminded of the numbers on their bank account once again. He heaves a sigh. He's afraid their children will have a terrible childhood because they probably won't have enough money to send them on class trips, buy good clothes, hang out with friends and wear the same uniform as every day. He doesn't want that to happen to their children because he doesn’t want his children to go through what he did when he was a child.

Maybe it's time he should get more serious now.

“We always need an extra hand. If you’re looking for cash, call this phone number."

Stealthy, Jongin gets off the bed. Once he's off the bed, he quickly tiptoes to the living room to get his jacket because the floor creaks easily.

He looks for the business card from the in his jacket pockets because now he’s rethinking his answer. When he finds it, he places it on their bedside table, reminding himself to dial the number on the business card in the morning when the sun's up.

He plans to tell his wife about his new job in the morning.

 

***

 

The sunlight that is seeping through their thin closed curtains stirs him awake. He can smell eggs and toasted bread from their bedroom. It's a smell he always wakes up. He plans to never be sick of it anytime soon.

He stretches his long limbs but doesn't open his eyes. His body doesn't want to get up so he doesn't. He lays in bed with his eyes closed, enjoying the sizzling sound of the pan from the grease of the eggs. He still doesn't get up even though he hears the creaking of their bedroom door open.

The sound of zippers and drawers opening fills the room. Even though he doesn't see it, he can hear her getting undressed. This time, he opens his eyes and looks at her naked backside.

"I've made breakfast. Let's eat it together," she says.

When she finishes dressing into her day clothes, she turns around and she frowns. He greets her with a sleepy smile. She zips up her jeans before heading over to Jongin. She takes off the blanket on him and opens the curtains, revealing the bright day ahead of them. She opens her arms.

"Can I get a hug?"

When the blankets are off, he groans from the loss but enters Soojung's arms in a sloppy manner. He gives her a bear hug. Soojung's hugging him back. He plants kisses on the cheek and a peck on her lips before loosening his grip. "Good morning darling," he says. His voice is slightly hoarse from the pleasant sleep he had.

"Good morning," she says back with a bright smile on her face.

When they head to the kitchen together, they see Taemin eating Jongin’s breakfast. Jongin calls the workplace while Soojung’s getting his new breakfast ready. He finds out he starts tonight. She's somewhat reluctant but still supports his decision. With the food finished, dishes in the sink and table cleaned, they head to work together.

Jongin tells Taemin about his workplace. Upon hearing the news of his best friend working another job and a dangerous one for that matter, he voices his worries to Jongin and his new job because it’s not very safe or stable. Jongin waves it off with a hand.

When Soojung is finished his shift at the studio, they say their goodbyes. Since his new job starts at the beginning of the evening, he gets off of Blanc & Éclair earlier. It takes a little longer for them to part today because Soojung knows he won't home three hours later like he usually is.

When she gets home, she prays he'll return home safe because she knows how dangerous construction sites can be.

 

***

 

It’s dark but a new day when Jongin comes home from the construction site. He takes off his heavy raincoat and steps into their apartment with heavy eyes and tired limbs. He closes the door with the utmost concentration to not wake Soojung up from her slumber.

He sees a shadow from their kitchen. The shadow looks elongated but he can tell from the low ponytail, the baby bump and the way the shadow holds the cup it's Soojung. "Honey?" The way her head snaps to the voice makes Jongin want to laugh at her reaction. He lets out a small grin because he's tried and really doesn't have the energy to laugh out loud. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

She stands up and drags herself to him. She lazily snakes her arms through his arms and hugs him. Her head rests on his chest. She lets out a sigh of comfort; she’d rather lay on his chest any day rather than sleep with a hundred pillows. "I was waiting for you to come home."

She's still hugging him and they both don't have any intentions are letting her go. He hugs her back to let her know he doesn’t want to either. She puts her feet on top of Jongin as he shuffles around the apartment and into their bedroom. She's not looking where she's going. She just trusts Jongin won't let her head hit anything.

The next thing Soojung knows is both of them are being thrown into something very familiarly soft. There's a rusty creaky sound coming from a spring and she knows they're on the bed. She's on top of Jongin. Momentarily, Jongin's grip loosens around her waist and she rolls down on the other side of the bed. She hears slight snoring and looks up to find Jongin in sleeping.

She crawls closer to Jongin and traces her hands on his features, admiring them. She snuggles closer to Jongin. Warping her arms around him, she can smell sawdust on his shirt.

Slowly, she drifts off to sleep too with Jongin's arms.  

 

***

 

Every night he comes home, he will always find Soojung at their dining table waiting for him to come home. There's always a prepared dinner waiting to be reheated. She'll give him a hug and a welcome home before she reheats the food. Taemin joins them occasionally if he's hungry. He'll always mumbles 'finally' before he falls back asleep.

They eat together despite Taemin's and Soojung's early work schedule. He will always smile at her thoughtful gesture and give her an 'I'm home' kiss right when sees her.

He knows she has to go to work early tomorrow but she still manages to wake up earlier than him and make breakfast for the three of them, make his food for his second job in the morning and willing to wait to eat dinner with him late at night. Whenever he tells her she doesn't need to wait for him, she shakes her head and says it's more fun eating altogether.

 

***

 

Lately, Jongin has been sleeping quite well. Even through all the noises that use to be keeping him awake.

He even sleeps through the silent cries beside him.   

 

***

 

The construction company takes his wish into consideration and give him more shifts. Not only does Jongin come home late now, he also leaves home early in the morning, when the sun is just about to make its appearance. Whilst, Soojung wakes up earlier than him to prepare breakfast, so, they can eat together, and make his lunch. She also stays up late too, waiting for Jongin to come home.

Taemin's home more frequently too. Some days he'll find Soojung and him sharing laughers in the room which makes his heart lighter and puts a smile on his face when he walks into their apartment. Although, most days he'll be asleep on the couch while Soojung sits down at the dining table, waiting for him. Sometimes Taemin would join them for dinner once Jongin makes his appearance.

Jongin doesn't know why but knowing that Taemin is with Soojung gives him a sense of ease. He can trust Taemin because he's part of his family and taemin would do anything for his family.

 

***

 

Lately, Soojung has been telling Jongin how she has been craving strawberries terribly. It’s kind of a strange craving for Soojung because she never likes strawberries.

He knows it’s cravings from her pregnancy. He tells her to indulge in her cravings.   

 

***

 

This week and the weeks after that, Soojung visits her sister. It's been awhile since she visited her sister. Even though Jongin isn't always there with her, Taemin is.

She's making her way through her sister's ward. Taemin’s already in there before her.

Today, they’ve decided that they'll meet up at Sooyeon’s room and go home together.

When she's near her door, subconsciously, she looks up, expecting something but seeing nothing. The arm he always has around her is gone. She misses it but she knows she'll be fine without him here, or at least, she convinces herself she is.

She takes a deep breath before entering. When she enters she is met with her sister's same beautiful smile albeit her white toothy smile is akin to her sickly pale skin.

Sooyeon notices Jongin isn't with her sister again and asks why. Soojung replies with the same answer.

"He's been busy with work."

He's been so busy he hasn't been home very often. He comes home to rest for four or five hours and then heads back to work again. She doesn't see him a lot at work; his hours at Blanc & Éclair has decreased. She's worried, terribly worried, that he's overworking himself. There's not much she thinks she can do to help him. All she can do is encourage him, take care of the approaching twins and make him food. She wants to do more but she doesn't know what else to do.

So, she asks for Sooyeon and Taemin for advice.   

Taemin and Sooyeon tell her to become more selfish but they know lately Soojung’s been incapable of doing so. She doesn’t want to cause Jongin, even more, stress.

 

***

 

He’s at his new job, taking a snack break. He wipes the perspiration forming on his forehead. Even though he’s working inside, there’s no air conditioning and carrying heavy things isn’t exactly his forte. Even though, he’s happy anyways because he’s making money for his family.

Jongin opens the paper bag containing food that Soojung prepared and notices strawberries in it. They're red, plump and juicy when he takes a bite of it. He nods, realizing that perhaps strawberries aren't that bad.

He thinks Soojung must’ve bought the good brand which also meant the expensive brand. He doesn’t mind because he thinks she really deserves that much.

When he gets home, he thanks her for the strawberries and asks if she had any yet.

She shakes his head. "I haven't yet."

In the morning, he finds a packet of strawberries deep in their fridge. He can't help but notice they're not at all big and juicy as what he had. He wonders if Soojung gave him all the juicy ones because there isn't any left in the pack. He wants to believe Soojung had some of her own and that's why there are only bad ones left. It's not because she gave him all the good ones. It’s not.

But his heart is telling him otherwise.

 

****

 

Soojung's crying again.

"It hurts, it hurts, it hurts," she weakly repeats over and over again. Taemin thinks she sounds like a broken record machine and it breaks his heart every time he hears her say these words.

He tries his best to stay strong because, every time she's like this, he can't help but break a little. It's so hard for him to see the girl he grew up with, who had a strong personality, be withering in her tears. He doesn't know what else to do but sit beside her and physically be beside her, hoping that his presence is helping her through this.

Taemin once suggested taking painkillers but she denied the idea because they're expensive. She doesn't want to waste money on things that she doesn't need. So, here he is, on the couch, with Soojung.

As he rubs circles on her back, he wonders where that girl with the carefree smile and that overconfident attitude went. Maybe it's gone forever, like Jongin's bad puns and jokes they always shared. He always comes home without much energy to say anything more than a hello and a goodnight before he heads to bed. The mornings aren't that grand either anymore because Soojung and Taemin always leave before Jongin wakes up. Taemin ponders if this is what growing up is. If it is, maybe he should grow up too because if he doesn't, he's going to be left behind by the two again if he doesn’t.

Tomorrow when the sun comes and its morning, they'll pretend it never happened for the sake of Jongin.   

 

***

 

The doctor predicts that babies will come sometime this week. They're all very cautious; she decides to take a week off from work. Soojung has been hanging out with Taemin more and more and Jongin's thankful for that. He decides to take a few days off from his other job, to be there for Soojung when she gives birth, but that never happens. The twins come later than the doctor predicted.

The baby comes while they all are at work, except not all at the same workplace. Jongin is at the construction site while Soojung and Taemin is in Blanc & Éclair Studios.

Jongin is working night shifts at the construction workplace. Without a cell phone or much time, Soojung decides that in Jongin's place is Taemin.   

Taemin's biting his lip, as Soojung's has a death grip in his hand. As she's pushing, she's squeezing his hand tighter and tighter as minutes pass by. When the babies are born, in great condition and health, Soojung cries and inwardly thank the heavens for listening to her prayers.

Taemin is rubbing her left hand with his thumb, lulling her to sleep again. He doesn't stop until her breathing slows and her eyes are fluttering to close.

 

***

 

Jongin doesn’t know when Soojung gives birth until Taemin comes rushing into the construction site.

He tells him that the babies are healthy and there seem to be no concerns. Upon hearing the news of the babies being born, Jongin drops everything and heads over to the hospital with Taemin to see his children. When he sees her he asks how she is, she gives him a sleepy smile and says she's fine.

She thanks him for coming even though he was working. That's the last thing she does before she falls asleep.

Taemin is sleeping outside the room on one of the chairs. Jongin doesn't bother waking him up because it doesn't seem like he's been getting enough rest either.

He asks a nurse how she was. She tells him the same thing Soojung told him but he remembers in the dad’s guide to pregnancy for dummies book said that labor wasn't easy to go through. He was told Soojung went into labor for thirteen hours. She didn’t cry as much as the other mothers and didn’t ask for pain relief medicines during her labor. At the back of his mind, he has a feeling Soojung didn't cry or ask for any pain relievers to convince him that she was fine.

He goes to the nursery to see his son and daughter. He doesn’t realize who where are until he notices a sole baby who is sleeping amongst all the wailing of the other babies catches his attention. He reads the name tag and finds that it says, Taerin. He looks beside his daughter and finds her brother, Taeoh. He learns that Taerin is older than Taeoh by ten minutes. He thinks they’re beautiful. Taerin has a similar facial structure as Soojung, but her skin is as tan as his. Taeoh has her mother’s skin but a majority of his father’s features and his skin is as white as Soojung’s. He’s really glad they look like both of them.

As he continues to admire, the guilt and shame for not being there for her surge his mind and body. He wants to work to support his family financially but to do that he can't be there for his Soojung. He really doesn't know what to give up on.

He walks back to his wife’s room, feeling deflated. He wants to cry because he doesn’t deserve Soojung, for the babies, and how awful of a person he is for not being there for her at all. Eventually, he does.

 

***

 

Soojung gets discharged earlier than Jongin would've liked. He booked the room for three days but Soojung decides to save the money for something else and discharges herself the day after her birth.

He doesn't know this until Soojung and Taemin visit the construction site where he works and gives his coworkers and he treats for their hard work.   

Jongin decides to take two days off and spend them with Soojung, Taemin, and their newborn twins. He witnesses most of the twins first everything; their first diaper change, their first bath, their first tummy time, and their first sound.

There's a lot of diaper changes, a lot of crying, and a loss of affection sessions between the trios. Despite the change, Soojung and Jongin are happy, while Taemin's struggling. Tired, he decides to leave half way to get some fresh air, leaving the couple alone. Unlike Taemin, Soojung and Jongin are happy to change diapers, bathe them and to rock the babies back and forth as their breathing slows, cries soften and the grip Taeoh and Taerin have on them loosen as they are soothing them to sleep.  

 

***

 

Jongin comes home late at night again. He sees Taemin on their couch sleeping in a peaceful manner. Like always, instead of finding her on their bed, he finds Soojung with her back turned to him at the dining room with her hands around a mug. She's looking out the open window, admiring the starry night.

By the way, she's still staring at the window, even though Jongin is in the house, he knows she didn't hear him come in. She has that look again -- where her warm coffee-colored eyes are staring at the stars with an enormous adoration and an intense infatuation. He stealthy walks closer to her. The closer he gets, the louder the not-so-distant sound of crying is.

Once he realizes where it's coming from, he stops walking and says, "S ... Soojung?"

He hears nose blowing and he can see touching her face, probably wiping the tears on her face. He briskly walks over to her to see if she is okay but every time he tries to get a glimpse of her face, she's turning it to the opposite direction.

Jongin gives up after many attempts. "Why are you crying?" He whispers as he rushes to Soojung's side. He doesn't want to wake Taemin up.

She takes a deep breath before she speaks. Jongin can see the weariness of child caring on her face. "I-I'm just really happy right now," she tells him. Jongin doesn't look convinced, so she continues on. "I mean the twins were born healthy and you coming home every day from work despite how terrible of a wife I am."

"No, don't say that. You're not terrible."

Her eyes are down casted. "I am. I can’t even show the pretty sides of me because I’m also tired with taking care of the twins.”

Jongin feels pained at this sentence because he'd never thought once that Soojung's wasn't pretty. There wasn't a moment in which he never thought she wasn’t but he never gets to tell her this because Soojung’s already changes the subject. He doesn’t want to have a tense atmosphere between them appear again. He opts to bring it up later.   

 

***

 

Jongin's enjoying the cold air feels cool on his forehead. After working at the studio, he had become damp with perspiration due to the intense dance lessons he was teaching.

He's standing at the bus stop, trying his best not to fall asleep as he leans on the bus stop post.

When the bus comes, he goes into it. Jongin happens to see Taemin.

He never had an actual conversation with Taemin for, what seems like, an eternity. When he sits beside the empty seat beside Taemin, the first thing that comes to mind is thank you for taking care of Soojung.

"I think I'm going to stop sleeping over your apartment soon,” he says abruptly.

"Why?" Jongin’s feels perplexed because he never thought he would. They were together for such a long time.

"Because I think it's time that I separated from you guys. I mean we can still hang out and everything but I think I should stop Kimching off you guys."

Jongin laughs. "So, you finally take Soojung's advice to heart?"

Taemin nods.

The air tastes bitter and an awkward silence consumes them. There’s a lot they want to talk to about but they both don’t know where to start. So, Taemin attempts to. “Man, you should hear Soojung talk about you.”

He goes rigid for a second but Taemin notices it. “How does she talk about me?” The questions hesitant, as if he’s afraid it’s just all bad talks.

There's a pause because Taemin's trying to word how she does. There are so many adjectives but none of them can really convey the way she speaks about him. He gives a sorrowful smile and says, “She talks about you like you put the stars in the sky.” Taemin notices his flabbergasted face. He lets out a chuckle before he continues. “She even looks at you like that too, you know.” There’s a bit of jealousy coming from the pit of Taemin's stomach because he kind of wishes Soojung would look at him like that.

Jongin is, however, speechless. All words knock out of him. He doesn’t know why he finds it so surprising but he does. The way he’s quiet, Taemin gets the hint that Jongin doesn’t know she does. "When?"

"You know that day when I stayed after your wedding?"

"That felt so long ago," he comments.

Taemin nods, agreeing with him "When we went out to the rooftop to enjoy the night sky and we were all lying down, both you and Soojung were looking at each other. Soojung -- no, wait, both of you had that look. That look that made the room go all fluffy and I actually felt like I was intruding. Although that's only one example."

"You actually feel like a third wheel? Man, I always thought you were incapable of feeling that," he jokes.

He shrugs. "I thought I was too," he plays along.

There's a moment of silence. There's something Jongin wants to say so he doesn't misunderstand. It's at the tip of his tongue, wanting to come out. "Soojung and I," he pauses trying to find the right words, "We never try to make you feel like the third wheel, and you know that right?"

He nods. "I do. I noticed the effort you two made of trying to include me in everything as much as you could even though you two were dating. Even though you probably wanted more alone time than to hang out with me."

Jongin shakes his head. "No, we thought of you like that. We actually loved having you around with us -- oh my god, this is getting awkward. Taemin why are we talking about feelings?"

Taemin emits a hearty laugh as Jongin fumbles. "Thanks for the reassurance. I feel much better."

There’s the bus driver’s voice echoing throughout the bus, telling the passengers the next bus stop. That’s Taemin's stop. “You should spend some time at home. Soojung misses you and so do the twins.” Taemin tells him. Jongin watches as he stands up and heads to the door.

Taemin hopes off the bus and prepares himself for the torture that'll come from Soojung after she finds out that Taemin has just told Jongin what she's been holding in.

 

***

 

He gently opens the door, trying to make as little sounds as possible. Even though she always tells him she'll never sleep with him; he's still hopes she will. Not because he doesn't have faith in her words but the tired expression has been etched on her face. It pains him every time to see his wife waiting there for him when she could be sleeping.

Jongin comes home to find an empty living room and kitchen. He assumes she's sleeping. He hears an unfamiliar crying sound coming from their bedroom. He follows the crying sound. He finds out it’s coming from the bedroom.

He peers his head through the doorway.

He finds Soojung, with her back turned to him, and the baby in her arms. She's shifts her weight from left to right and makes soft cooing noises. "Let's go to sleep Taeoh. We don't want to make daddy worry when he come back from work."

She spots Jongin before he spots her.

She walks towards the couch and stands in front of Jongin. “Welcome home,” she says with a smile that looks rather tired. Jongin assumes she placed him to sleep when there isn’t a baby in her arms. He lets her sit on his lap. He plants kisses on every inch of her face and arms, worshiping every piece of her skin. “Thank you for everything,” he mumbles.

Jongin wants to give her the stars, the moon and the sun up but, for now, all he can offer is his love. He hopes that's enough for her.

Soojung lets out a laugh. “What is this for all of a sudden?” She doesn’t reject his actions though. She wraps her arms around him, hugging him in return.

“Just sudden urges to tell you how much you mean to me,” he tells her. He inhales her scent and feels her soft hair tickling his face slightly. He feels a surge of blissfulness fill him. “Thanks for being such a wonderful wife. You’re always taking care of our child when I’m working and making me meals. Soojung you really pamper me too much.”

"Well, since we're confessing everything right here and right now,” She buries her face into his chest because she's slightly embarrassed by this what she's going to say. "Thanks for being a great husband and father," she quickly mumbles.

Jongin lets out a laugh. "You always say that."

She pouts. "That's because I don't want you to forget."

“I won’t. I’ll always be here for you. You can tell me everything.”

“I know.”

“Then tell me what’s wrong,” Jongin says.

Soojung’s body tenses. “I-I just don’t want you to worry more than you have to. I mean you already have two jobs to handle and all I do is take care of the children now because I can’t do much other than that. I mean, I'm currently on maternity leave at Blanc and Éclair so --”

She doesn’t get to finish because Jongin is planting kisses on the top of her head. “Oh my god, you’re so precious."

They lie on their bed, silently enjoying each other's company.

"I can’t even show the pretty sides of me because I’m also tired with the taking care of the twins.”

Jongin strokes her face, tucking the strands of hair behind her ears. “You've gotten even prettier," he points out.

Her cheeks turn red at the comment. She playfully hits his chest. “I didn't.”

"You did, both inside and out."

She looks beautiful, really beautiful. He doesn't know if it's because her t-shirt that smells like the children's vomit, the way her hair is messily tied in a low ponytail or the way the moonlight reflects off her features in all the right places but he can't take his eyes off her.

He knows a lot of things now, but he’s still certain she looks beautiful.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading it this far! i hope you enjoyed the story :)


End file.
